I have been working to cultivate the sacred in me. To support this, I gave myself the gift of panchakarma to greet the New Year. This was an offering to my soul. My retreat is in a clinic in Nagpur, India.
It has been 2 years since I had been to the clinic. The profound changes I experienced then left me excited to embrace it again. The cleanse I had in early 2024 was so profound that the impact resonated into my being for a long time. The cleanse revealed elements to heal myself that included feeling lonely, no longer willing to accept the lack of mutual respect in relationships and a readiness in releasing old and new grief.
Post Panchakarma challenges
I have had many panchakarmas through the years, but in 2024, so many old wounds presented during my travels and my stay there, and shortly after I was home again. The unresolved grief with family issues came out as an upper respiratory illness in my sinuses and lungs. My illness worsened on the temple journey to South India. Exposed to smoke and mildew, my lungs and emotions felt raw and weak. All of this was exacerbated by travel with someone I thought was a friend. I learned yet again that proximity does not mean friendship. All of this was before I arrived at the clinic. Once I was onsite, I was in good hands and began to heal my physical health. I was left to delve into the mental/emotional pains with new realizations /awareness into my daily healing path. This gave selfcare a new set of tasks for me.
Unfortunately, that year was not done with teaching me. I fell while playing with my dog a few days after I arrived home. While it was a small break, I fractured my right arm near my wrist. The extreme pain in that moment reflected the rage I felt inside as I screamed out loud. I cried in loneliness and despair. In such an intense moment I felt all my pains dearly.
Still tired and jet lagged, I jumped back into work. My trip, illness, and poor companionship had not been fully processed as I had been recovering my lung health and only lightly touching my other pains. I was struggling in a fevered and weak state and my travel companion made light of my need for help. My anger and frustration deepened. Sadly, I was presented again with an old pain of not have care from those I was close to when I needed them most.
As if the universe decided to double down, coming home and fracturing my arm was met with little support from my sister or other family members. Her own her health crisis needed to come first in her mind. Only her pain mattered. This was not new, but I couldn’t deny my needs any longer.
This was a pattern that I have…Trying to get through a situation and move on yet holding all the feelings in. Not allowing my needs to be met….this was a pattern and my role in the family.
This set off both a physical and emotional release that needed me to reset how I approached my life.
